Sunday, September 6, 2009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 26 Recap

When we left Big Brother this past Thursday, Natalie had pulled out a come from behind victory to be the next head of household. Will we see a new subdued, thankful, thoughtful, freshly showered version of the little “Sparky”? Or will the scheming, taunting, and lying be turned up a notch? I think we know the answer to those questions, and for that reason along this hour is going to be a chore.

Not only do we have the reign of Queen Gnat, we’re also going to endure another segment (or two) involving Pandora’s Box. Yeah, that worked so well the first time, even with CBS’ selective editing and commentary from Kevin that “proved” the power of greed. Come on, it proved nothing except that Natalie can find an excuse for any action.

So let’s get started with the aftermath of the Queen’s victory. Oh wait, we’re commencing with Jeff’s eviction. Natalie babbles that she’s been waiting for this opportunity to avenge Jeff’s eviction of her BFF Jessie, and his leaving “felt great”. Jordan, obviously, is in tears and wishes it had been her that had been evicted because he would have done better in the rest of the game. “I’m all alone now, and it sucks.”

We see Kevin’s last second little dig at Jeff as he walks out, but we get no comment. Hmmmm. Oh wait, he’s now telling everybody that if he had “approached me for a vote, I probably would have kept him”. Um, whatever. Natalie really is rubbing off on you. Michelle complains in the diary room that with Jeff gone she “has a huge target on my back because I’m the strongest competitor in this game. I have to win this HOH, or I’m’ pretty sure I’m leaving.” Well, actually you have to win the POV, but that’s another story.

Ok, now we move on to Natalie winning HOH. We don’t hear her babbling about how she did it for Chima, but she’s going on about how she “did it by sticking to my word”. What? Explain this one to me, my dear. “This is the one competition I went in saying there’s no more acting that I’m a weak competitor. I have to make a name for myself in this game.” Um, ok, but that still doesn’t explain how you won a true/false game by sticking to your word.

(Time for a rant here. I can understand the “this is for Chima” garbage if Natalie had won HOH the week after she was booted, but this is FIVE weeks later! How can Chima possibly had waited to inspire her until the week she already had a 33 1/3% shot of winning (or really, 50%, since Jordan doesn’t really count).)

Kevin is not amused by Natalie’s antics. “Natalie celebrates like she won this eight-hour endurance competition. She acts like she’s a strong competitor, but she really hasn’t won anything in this game. This one she lucked out.” He just cares that he’s safe this week, but Michelle is bummed that she “lost to an 18 year-old”. Jordan is also pissed as we continue to see Natalie celebrate.

Natalie is alone with Kevin, and pledges that since he was a part of her still being in the house that they definitely have a final two deal. Kevin’s still not so sure about her, though. “:You’re going to try 100% in the veto, right?” Natalie confirms that she is, mainly because she wants Michelle gone this week. “If we win the veto, we go to the final two.”

Jordan is now laying down, depressed that not only is Jeff gone but Natalie is the new HOH. “Right now, all I want to do is keep my distance from everyone…I don’t want to be a part of any scheming. I just want to be left alone.”

Kevin and Natalie are now seen in the “have” room, and Kevin notes that Jordan is at the very least “hanging in there”. She was, after all, in the lead the majority of the HOH game, as Natalie notes. For some reason, Natalie decides that’s the time to inform Kevin that he’ll be going up. Kevin’s not happy, but this is again a forced dialogue from Kevin, as it only matters who wins POV this week. Nominations are just a formality. But Natalie insists that she’s going to inform Jordan that she’s not really with Kevin. “My goal is to throw the other house guests off, and nominate Kevin for eviction…I’m putting him on the block just as a ploy.” Really, this is unnecessary, but it is funny how Kevin says Natalie already has “HOH-it is”.

And now time for my least favored segment of the week - the unveiling of the HOH room. For some reason, Natalie is in a bikini as she brings everybody upstairs. Yes, this is even more nauseating as usual, as Natalie goes on and on about the blanket her boyfriend sent her.

We’re now back downstairs, and Natalie says she’s going to tell Jordan and Michelle “anything they want to hear”. She then informs them that she is indeed putting up Kevin. “He’s my friend, and I’m going to hang out with him every day…Kevin is a strong, fierce competitor, and if he goes to the finals he will win.” Again, this is nonsensical nothingness, although Michelle has a valid point when she says she has no friends in the jury house. Seriously, these people should consider that fact.

After commercials, Natalie comes out of the diary room with news about a luxury competition. Ugh, more nothingness. Natalie and Kevin pair up for one team, with Jordan and Michelle obviously the other. They head outside in their bikinis to two pseudo-boutiques. Each team has to match five outfits within five minutes, and whatever time is remaining they get to use to pick out clothes for themselves back inside. Time to fast forward, especially when Kevin attacks a dummy to nab an outfit. “This is like a dream-a come true.” Ugh.

With that segment thankfully over, it’s time for Michelle and Kevin to chatter. Kevin claims in the diary room that he needs to think about possibly making a deal with her for final two. Yeah, right. Let me guess that they don’t show Kevin running to Natalie with everything she said. Or the conversation they had previously when they hatched this plan. Yep, I’m right. They don’t. Kevin claims in the diary room that at this point in the game, he’ll do anything to make the finals. Are they just reading scripts in there?

Jordan is now in the pool, complaining that how the game is so stressful to Natalie, who is completely lying about how she’s alone in the game. “I think the only way we have a only shot is if we’re together.“ Again, we don’t see the before and after.

Natalie then heads upstairs, and yes, it’s time for the awful Pandora’s Box segment. She opens the card, which says that releasing the door could result in something good or bad. Please make it bad! Uh Oh! It turns out Natalie’s elaborate story may be correct, as the card says that for the first time somebody may have an opportunity to spend time “with a loved one inside the Big brother House”. She’s asked to look at the screen, and indeed it is her boyfriend. “I will do anything I have to do.”

She then opens a second envelope, which says there’s a price for meeting with her boyfriend. By choosing it, she can’t compete in the next POV competition. WTF? That’s no price. She’s already guaranteed to make the finals. She doesn’t care who actually wins!

Natalie pretends to contemplate the decision, but it’s obvious what she chose. Instead of the 20 minutes she said, though, they got five minutes. And he really did propose to her! Obviously, she says yes, but with ZERO emotion. In fact, she immediately informs him that she “gave up a lot” to meet him. No, you didn’t. The boyfriend tells a boring story about how his father gave his mother a twisty ring when they got engaged. Worst proposal ever!

Oh wait, they did get twenty minutes, as another card says that in exchange for annoying the house she can get an additional fifteen minutes. Well, we know what Natalie chose. More people then come out of the diary room to harass Michelle, Kevin, and Jordan. Jesus, CBS, couldn’t you come up with something worth watching? Natalie claims that the proposal will give her the incentive to win the game. More fast-forwarding.

Everybody heads up to the HOH, and Natalie claims that she “just got screwed royally”. She informs them that she can’t play in the POV because she opened the Pandora’s Box. Natalie says that she didn’t want Kevin to know that she gave up this shot in exchange for time with her boyfriend, so she made up a “little fib”. She babbles a bit about a “final two reversal”, and that if she made it to the finals the votes would be reversed. Kevin immediately knows she’s lying. “So you cannot win Big Brother!” Hahaha, “no wench, please”, he says in the diary room.

When we return from commercials, everybody but Natalie is discussing her bullshit story. Their theories are almost as ridiculous. Natalie comes outside, and Kevin asks her to “break it down”. She pretends to not know what he’s talking about, and requests that nobody ask her any more questions about the Pandora’s Box. Kevin gets up and walks away, and Natalie quickly follows him.

Kevin says he has to get to the bottom of this, and tells her that this doesn’t make any sense. “We all know (you), and if (you) just lost $500,000, you’d be breaking windows. It’s just not adding up.” Natalie admits in the diary room that Kevin’s making sense, so she has to “come clean”.

She then heads back downstairs, and proclaims “y’all just got got by an 18 year-old”. Um, ok. “I know you all believed me, right?” Everybody shakes their head no. Hahahah! She then tells the story of the proposal, but at this point they don’t believe a story that incredulous. “Where do you think I got the twist tie”, she asks. “Right over here”, Kevin responds. She still wants affirmation that she got everybody, but nobody believed the first story, let alone this story. Natalie, though, believes that she saved herself from being in “hot water”. Luckily, we only got the two-minute version of this story, instead of the hours and hours we heard on the feeds.

Thankfully, it’s time for nominations. Michelle says she knows she’s going up, and Jordan doesn’t really believe that Natalie is being honest with her that she’s NOT going up. Kevin is still upset that he’s going up, but isn’t sure that Natalie will follow through with it. Natalie claims that she’s hiding her allegiences and loyalties. Um, yeah.

After bringing everybody in, Natalie shows up in a dumb costume of a bathrobe, sunglasses, a cane, and a crown. Ugh. She has one key to pull, and it belongs to Jordan. She says she nominated Kevin because “you say that the big brother game is like a game of chess. Well, Kevin, I just thought three moves in advance, and you just got duped…I‘m going to try to beat you to the punch and get you out before you get me out.” Oh please, do the other two possibly believe this bullshit.

Moving on to Michelle, Natalie says she was nominated “strictly for personal reasons. I feel you are a backstabber and a liar. You tried to make a deal with me last week, and said if I was to vote to keep Jeff in this house you’d guarantee me in the final three. Michelle, if I make a deal with you, then I’m making a deal with the devil.” Oh Lord.

As the end credits begin, Natalie says she’s “playing the house like a fiddle”, and that Michelle is her true target. Yes, she is, and the whole house knows this! Kevin adds that he’s frustrated with Natalie, and Michelle babbles that “now the devil won‘t be taking you to the final two.”

See you Tuesday for the next eviction!