Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 28 Recap

It’s hard to believe that we’re almost finished with the eleventh season of Big Brother. It seems like just a few days ago that people such as Chima, Ronnie, Casey, and Laura’s gigantic breasts first appeared on our televisions screens.

We’re now down to the final three, and I must admit that I’m ready for the season to end. Not that there hasn’t been some entertainment this season. We’ve had a steady stream of live evictions that were memorable and unpredictable. Even the Tuesday episodes, traditionally the trash bin of silly filler, have had enough material to allow producers to edit them into precise stories that outshine the typical CSI garbage that fills their lineup.

Yet, it’s time to put the show to rest, as the finalists may be the most boring in the show’s history. Yeah, Kevin gives good diary room commentary, and Jordan’s naivety is good for a laugh or two. As for Natalie…um, I can’t think of anything entertaining about her. Sorry, Gnat fans.

But the last few days have been snooze fests on the feeds. Jordan sits outside and tries to memorize the alphabet, Kevin worries about which hoody matches his nerd shirt, and Natalie pats herself on the back for being the most loyal, honest person in the world. I don’t know how anybody can sit through more than a few minutes of this drivel.

At least tonight, CBS is keeping us in the dark as to what’s going to happen. We know that we’ll see tape of Tuesday’s round of the final HOH competition, and we’re supposed to also see round two. Other then that, we have no clue. There are rumors the last expulsion won’t happen until the finale, or that we may actually have a live show on Sunday (I doubt that one, though, since it’s the first NFL Sunday). It will be interesting to see just what CBS has planned for us tonight.

So let’s get started. Oooh, all three are officially lasting until finale night. Interesting. But after that announcement, Julie takes us to where we left off last Tuesday with Natalie, Jordan, and Kevin perched on a giant, rolling log.

This is not exactly exciting material. They’re all shocked by the introduction of the “elements”, and they all babble about how it’s so important they win. Natalie thanks Kevin for sticking to his word, and they flash back to Michelle’s eviction. Kevin goes on about how it was such a “huuuuuuuuuuge” decision. Um, sure. For the second time in two minutes, we hear Jordan babble about how she’s alone in the house. Natalie gloats, but the other two sort of ignore her. “Evil is gone.” Ugh.

Back to the competition, and Natalie is still babbling about Michelle. She needles Jordan about how Michelle can now hang out with Jeff, but Jordan says it doesn’t faze her. “You’re a little instigator.”

The log stops, and the rain begins. We hear Kevin complain again about the cold. Enough. Oooooh, Natalie almost falls, but swings around on her rope and saves herself. Jordan now whines about the “wind”…and then the “real” snow. “Can you torture me anymore?”

After three hours, Natalie starts egging the others to drop. Kevin says that he’s going until the sun rises, but Natalie counters he might as well just drop. She then whispers to Jordan that Kevin’s hand is starting to shake, and that if Jordan falls she’ll drop five minutes later. Natalie adds in the diary room that she’s just playing with Jordan to make her take her if she miraculously wins HOH.

Jordan complains that she’s cold, and Kevin sees that as an opportunity. He tells her to shiver so that she’ll warm up, knowing that it would distract here enough to drop. Sure enough, she falls. “I sort of zoned out because it went forward. I’d say it was a five hundred thousand dollar mistake.” Natalie and Kevin smiled at each other, knowing that their plan is working.

After a bit more self-congratulatory babbling, bickering, and a promise to take her to the finals (as they had promised a few days before), Natalie finally drops. This despite the fact that Kevin says in the diary room that his word means nothing in this house. “I hope this move pays off for me in the end”, says Natalie right before they show her jump. Thank God that’s over.

When we return from commercials, it’s time for Julie to chat with the final three. She informs them that all three of them will make it to finale night. They all yell “what?” over and over. Tonight will be part two of the HOH competition, and part three will be on finale night. The jury questioning will then happen immediately before the vote.

Now it’s time for Jeff to enter the jury house. They all hope that it’s Jeff coming in, and that they hope Kevin survives. Russell asks how he’ll handle Natalie if she’s evicted, and he babbles about how he’ll treat her respect. Ugh. Lydia explains that Natalie has a lot of explaining to do. Oh Lord.

Russell again says he hopes that it’s Jeff coming in, and they all jump for joy to see that it is indeed Jeff. Jeff says coming into the jury house was “nerve wracking”, and Lydia is happy to hear that Kevin backstabbed him. Russell says it’s “validation” that Jeff got burned by Kevin. Jessie can’t wait to inform Jeff that Natalie is 24, and surprisingly they all agree that she has survived by riding on everybody’s coattails.

They then watch the video as Lydia continues on needling Jeff. Jessie notes that Natalie “doesn’t even try”, and Lydia babbles more about how she doesn’t like her. Jeff says he thinks Jordan and Michelle will be the final two. Oh Lord, Jeff.

After commercials, Julie interviews “four of the best players in Big Brother history”. Hmmm, I don’t know if I agree with that assessment, but it is nice to see Janelle, Danielle, and Dick. I could live without Mike Boogie, but whatever. Dick is asked what he did with his prize money, and he says he’s “still playing with it”. Boogie “treated” himself to a Bentley, and kisses Julie’s ass with a baby gift.

They move on to game play. Danielle says that Natalie has played the best game because she “has lied really well”, and “gotten Kevin to do her dirty work”. Janelle says the worst move of the season was Jeff getting rid of Russell. Boogie says the best move of the game was Jeff got rid of Jessie, and Natalie and Kevin’s lie to get rid of Russell. Dick agrees with this.

They move on to Chima, and Boogie agrees that she should have been kicked out but says that people should give her a break because being in the house is very stressful. Dick says she lost sight of the end goal when she lost her mind. He’s clearly not a fan of this year’s final three.

Julie asks who they think is going to win - Boogie, Dick, and Janelle all say it will be Kevin. Danielle babbles about how women can only win if they’re sitting next to each other in the finals. I don’t know if I buy that. Wow, that segment wasn’t as entertaining as I thought it would be.

We move on to part two of the final HOH competition between Jordan and Natalie. The game is called “Heads Will Roll”, and the goal is to put balls with the HOH’s name on them in the correct order. Poor Jordan is not going to do well in this.

Natalie starts by getting all of the balls out. Oh wait, not all of them. She starts rolling them up, but is struggling. She ends the two minutes with five correct answers. I‘m surprised she didn‘t do better, but I predict that Jordan only gets two.

Too bad we have to sit through one more commercial break to get to Jordan’s turn. How is a girl who can’t remember what she had for breakfast possibly remember the order of HOH’s? She also grabs a handful of different balls first, and starts rolling them in, but spends too much time watching the balls instead of grabbing more. At the one minute mark, she does have four, and ties Natalie with five. OMG, she just beat her!!! Wow, she got nine out of ten!!! I can’t wait to see Natalie’s reaction.

Ah, Julie just confirmed that America will be the tie-breaking vote thanks to Chima’s departure from the game. Too bad that they’re making this as confusing as possible, as there are different numerical choices based on who makes the final two.

Kevin appears to be the most nervous to find out who won this round, and is shocked to discover that Jordan won! Jordan’s reaction? “I’m sweating.” She says she’s up for the challenge, and Natalie babbles that she should have won because she knows “everything” that has happened in the house. Yep, make it about yourself, you twit.

And that’s it for tonight!

One final note. I’m not going to bother recapping Sunday’s clip show, as they’re always basically unwatchable. So I’ll see you on Tuesday to see who wins a half million bucks!