Welcome to eviction night…or should I call it “The Night That American Men Cried”. No matter what happens tonight, a pair of overly-enhanced boob jobs will be exiting the Big Brother house. Will it be young Jordan, the small-town girl who can’t tell time, or Laura, the brainy” bikini model who never has to worry about sinking?
But first…we have to begin where we left off on Tuesday night with the “surprise” nomination of Jordan to replace veto winner Jeff. (Ok, I do have to laugh that both Jordan and Laura were “readjusting” as Julie set the stage for the first segment.) Russell says he was “relieved” that he wasn’t put on the block, while Kevin brags that “populars are done!”. Ronnie says that Jordan is the pawn because Laura “is a huge threat to me”, but also promises to go after Russell. Casey, meanwhile is pissed! “This is our chance to get Russell out of the house! What were you thinking?”
Jordan and Laura scatter into their room, and Jordan says she feels “betrayed” by Ronnie. “(He) completely fooled me”. They make a promise to each other that whomever stays will go after Ronnie, but Laura knows she’s the one going home. “I’m still going to fight. I’m not dead yet.”
Now Jordan is outside with Jeff, who is reassuring her that she’s staying mainly because Laura is so much smarter than her. You gotta love that she’s at least self-aware of her mental deficiencies! Jeff says she wants Jordan to stay. Well, duh! Cue the piano music as they tell each other how much they love talking to each other. “We’re like a package”, Jordan says to Jeff. “He kind of reminds me of me”, she adds in the diary room, “but a boy version of me.” Oh boy.
Laura is now seen heading up to the HOH, and she says in the diary room that “survival will always come before friendship in this game. I’ll tell Ronnie whatever it takes to survive.” She warns him that if she is eliminated there are two people left that are gunning for him, and that she’s a “better ally in the game than me”. Ronnie claims that he may be able to switch enough votes for Laura to stay, but defers the decision to Jessie. Ugh. She brushes that off, and claims that she would never go after Jessie.
Ronnie now brings up Natalie, Chima, and Lydia up into the room to “test the waters” about keeping Laura over Jordan. He claims to have a “bombshell” to drop, and goes into how Jordan can’t be swayed. Nobody is really in favor of this idea. With that plan not going anywhere, Ronnie says in the diary room that he decided it was an opportunity to “throw Russell under the bus”. Why now?
Natalie is not happy with this chatter, and goes off to huddle with Jessie. “What’s wrong with you”, asks Russell as she waddles by. Russell says he could tell something was up, so he had “to get to the bottom of it”. Jessie asks Russell if he was trying to get votes for Laura, and he denies it. Jeff is sitting next to them, and begins to worry.
Jeff throws out a few questions about the scenario, and Laura walks out as even more people discuss the Ronnie/Russell situation. She denies saying that Russell claimed she had the votes to stay, and they decide to bring Ronnie out to confront him. Laura adds in the diary room that if she’s going down, “at least I’m taking Ronnie down with me”.
Almost everybody is now outside, and Ronnie immediately says “I’m not going to be put on the spot”. Laura starts crying, and Ronnie responds that “paranoia is super high”. He just shrugs, and again says he’s not going to be put on the spot. Russell pushes, and Ronnie now says that whatever was said with Laura in the HOH is to stay in the HOH. Ronnie attempts to stay calm, and Russell thanks Laura for “telling the truth”.
Ronnie heads upstairs, and Russell continues to bitch about Ronnie’s refusal to talk. Natalie and Chima add what was said to them in the HOH, and Russell heads back upstairs. From the balcony, Ronnie tries to talk to Russell, who says that he “really (doesn’t) want to hear it right now…you are the rat. We found out, and you got caught.” Ronnie then claims he never lied to everybody, and Russell again rounds up the troops.
Round two! Ronnie throws out questions to Laura before Russell explodes that Ronnie isn’t going to out-debate everybody. “Vicious lies” is all he can say in response before retiring into the HOH. “I should have put his ass up.”
It’s now the following day, and we see Ronnie hanging out alone in the HOH. Casey laughs at how he “barricaded himself in the HOH room” for the entire day. Ronnie is then called to the diary room, and Russell sprints into the house to greet him. Ronnie takes a quick look at the spy cam as the diary room continues to call for him. Round 3! “Tired of scheming”, Russell asks as he follows him to the diary room.”
Yes, it continues again as Ronnie exit’s the diary room. We see him call him “rat” over and over as he wanders up to the HOH. “You should have sent me home when you had the chance. You blew it.”
Natalie and Jessie are playing chess when this goes down, and Jessie complains that it’s not fair that he is stuck in that room all day. Uh oh. “It’s just not right”, Natalie responds. Meanwhile, Ronnie is crying in both the diary room and HOH as he talks about missing his wife. “She would know what to do.”
We then join the group in the living room, and Julie asks Natalie about the current mood of the house. “It is pretty tense. It is pretty crazy. We did come together as a house and united as one unlike last week. It’s gotten better, actually.” Julie presses the subject, and Natalie responds that the tension is only with “one particular person”.
Julie drops the subject, and shows the footage of the men’s outfits in the have/have not competition. Michelle is asked “who wore it best”, and she says Jeff’s “rack was very nice”. Kevin says that “Casey was definitely rockin’ it”. Jeff says that his friends will never let him forget not only that moment, but quite a few moments in the house.
After commercials, we join Ronnie in the house. Julie calls him the “square root of all evil”. Oh boy. She asks him about playing both sides of the house, and points out that most of the time in the history of Big Brother this backfires. Ronnie says he took the risk “because most times…they have no allegience to only one side”. He says that he is aligned with the Athletes.
Julie then asks why he didn’t nominate Russell, and Ronnie’s response is that “it’s too early to burn the bridge with Jessie and Natalie”. Julie concludes by saying he spent more time in the HOH than anybody in Big Brother history. He babbles about how that’s no different than playing video games for days at home, and that it was also to “create sympathy”. He still claims that he has five people on his side, and he just may be correct.
It’s now time for the final speeches by the nominees. Jordan goes first, and babbles how crazy the week was “but thank god we found out who the rat was”. She says that she does want to be in the house because somebody had “put words in my mouth” that said otherwise. “You are all so Gucci.”
Laura is up next, and she says she’s thankful being in the house, but “due to certain circumstances, manipulation and lies” she didn’t have the opportunity to meet “a few of you as well as I like to”.
The voting begins with Jeff, who obviously votes to evict Laura…as does everybody else. Oh wait!!! Natalie votes to evict Jordan to “spice it up“! Gee, I wonder who put her up to that? Everybody else does vote against Laura, so she’s out by a 8 - 1 vote!
Julie gives the house the news, and it’s a touching moments as her boobs touch Jordan’s. She ignores Ronnie as she goes past to grab her bags. The house is pretty subdued after her departure, with everybody still ignoring Ronnie. Jeff is overheard, though, whispering to Jordan about that single vote.
After commercials, Julie starts the questions by asking about the sympathy vote, which Laura says made her very happy. She also tells Julie that she really doesn’t know why Ronnie was “gunning” for her, but thinks that Jordan may have accidentally let slip some stuff. She is happy that she is “taking him down”, and that “they’re stupid if they keep him around”.
Julie then asks if it was smarter to go after her than Russell, and she responds that she was an “easier target”, and that the clique twist didn’t help.
We conclude with the goodbye messages, and Ronnie uses the opportunity to say that she has “the worst case of diarrhea of the mouth I have ever seen”. Oh boy. “If you had not caused that scene in the backyard, you’d probably still be here”. Um, I don’t think so.
The rest of the messages are of the usual “we’ll miss you” variety. Casey says that he’s proud that she refused to be “the sheep”, and Russell adds that he’ll miss watching her by the pool. Kevin complains that he was never asked to “not vote” for her.
We don’t go to commercials, as we usually do. Instead, it’s right to the HOH competition, which is a variation of skeet ball called “Buzzworthy”. The person who launches the ball into the highest-scoring cup is the new HOH.
Michelle goes first, and gets a 4. Jessie then nabs a 6 to take the lead. Kevin gets a 5, while Natalie overshoots and gets a 2. Lydia’s ball doesn’t even reach the target, but before we get to Russell it’s time for commercials.
Russell finally gets his chance, and scores a 5. Chima’s up next, and scores 3. Jordan only gets a 1, while Jeff ties Jessie with a 6! Casey is the final competitor, and it bounces out of the middle to score a 1.
We go on to a tie-breaker shot, and Jessie’s ball lands once again in the 6 cup. It’s all up to Jeff, and his ball bounces off the 7, so Jessie is the new HOH!!! Bad news for a certain half of the house! (My early prediction is Jordan, Michelle, or Casey, unless Casey’s talks with Jessie helps him. Ronnie may be the luckiest player in Big Brother history.)
Before we conclude, we get one final look back into the house. Jessie is asked how he’s feeling, and he babbles about how athletes need to eat. Wtf? Casey is asked about missing his child’s first birthday, and he talks about how much he misses him but winning a half-million would make it all worth it.