Wednesday, July 1, 2009

BB11 Cast Bios!

Wow, after months of no news the floodgates have opened today. Besides the media day footage and Julie’s tour of the house, now has bios of the new cast. Here’s a quick rundown.

Braden. Yeah, this guy is going to be a problem. He’s an aspiring actor who thinks of himself as a lady’s man (and reportedly has a porn scene or two floating around the web). He claims to be low-key, but uses words like “rad” and “fashionistas” I hate this man already.

Casey. The token “old dude” is a fifth-grade teacher by day and a DJ by night. His biggest worry (besides the hardship he’s putting his family through by appearing on the show) is the he picks his nose. Yeah, we’re guaranteed to see a montage by week two. I’m already annoyed by his overuse of cliché phrases such as “refuse to lose”.

Chima. What, they allow journalists on the show? Oh yeah, they did have a TMZ photographer on last year, so I guess media people are fair game. She seems harmless, despite the claim that her goal is to set up and break alliances and “annihilate” her competition. I’ll bet that will work out well for her.

Jeff. Another rather generic contestant. He’s a former jock turned advertising salesman who claims to have nothing against a “showmance”. God, I hate that term.

Jordan. Now we’re talking. Yeah, I realize I just said that I hate the stereotypical Big Brother contestants, but I’ll admit that I’m a hypocrite when we’re talking about women. Jordan’s a small-town “party girl” (ala Chelsea?) who is willing to “flirt” for votes. Unfortunately, she says she won’t “bugger” (screw) on camera because her grandfather will be watching.

Kevin. Yeah, I think we’ve found the “talk to the hand” guy. This African-American/Japanese graphic designer describes himself as “ghetto, fabulous and inappropriate, and warns his fellow Houseguests that, although he doesn't have a temper, he can get bitchy”. Um, ok.

Laura. Another person destined to be one of my favorites, this swimsuit model plans to spend the entire show in her bikini. She’s even proud of her “tramp stamp”, and says the hardest part of the show will be abstaining from sex. She won’t win, but she’ll be fun to watch.

Lydia. The heavily-tatted cutie supposedly once nannied for a “high profile couple”, so I bet we’ll get lots of juicy late-night Hollywood gossip. Nothing else in her bio really stands out, but I have the feeling she may be the first person on this show to have music tastes that match mine. God, I hope so.

Michelle. A BB contestant with a PhD? No, this can’t be true! She hopes that her neuroscience degree will give the “former band geek” an edge, and that she plans to “win challenges without actually dominating the competitions”.

Natalie. The former Tae Kwan Do bronze medalist “wants people to know that nobody can intimidate her! This feisty Latina has no problem lying, cheating and stealing to win the game. She'll do whatever it takes to keep the heat off her and turn it onto others, and believes her petite frame will throw off her opponents.” Look for her to crash and burn rather quickly.

Ronnie. A sci-fi nerd. The less said the better.

Russell. This guy will be a serious problem. The mixed martial arts fighter actually calls himself “Russell the Love Muscle”. Here’s my prediction - Natalie will want him but he’ll spend most of his time pursuing Laura while comparing muscles with Jeff. He’ll unfortunately last a long, long time even though he’ll annoy anybody outside of his posse. Just using the word posse make me ill.

Mystery contestant. The page includes a 13th box with question marks. Rumor has it that there will be a former BB contestant as a surprise twist, and the current rumors point to BB10’s Brian. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but CBS always has to have their silly twists despite the fact they rarely work out well.

There are also rumors that the cast will be divided into “haves” and “have nots”, but I don’t see how any such scenario will really differ from the food versus slop groups of previous seasons. I guess we’ll find out soon!