Monday, August 10, 2009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 14 Recap

When we left Thursday’s CBS broadcast of Big Brother, Chima had just won HOH and was celebrating as only she can - by cackling at her own jokes. Will she get that lotion she so desires? Will she fulfill Ronnie’s wish and nominate Russell? We’ll find out tonight, along with a promotional appearance by Jeremy Piven to try to convince us that The Good is a worthwhile movie (good luck on that).

After the lengthy recap (including Ronnie‘s fart while talking about class), we proceed with a replay of Ronnie’s diatribe against Michelle, who says he’s just “bitter because he didn’t even make it to the jury house. The Big Brother Encyclopedia didn’t even make it past week four”.

Lydia is happy that she survived, but is bummed out that Jessie may not have voted for her. Jeff throws out a couple of clichés when describing how happy he is that the “rat” is finally gone, while Jessie says that his elimination throws a “wrench in the plans. We lost a wingman.” He keeps going, but it’s hard to follow what he’s saying. Kevin also has some strong words, as he tends to do only when he knows nobody can hear him.

After Ronnie’s exit, Kevin tries to inform Michelle that Ronnie’s anger is only because she was the swing vote. Russell is happy that Ronnie’s gone, but the fact that Chima, Jessie and Natalie didn’t vote his way shows they’re not loyal to him. Kevin says that he thought Ronnie had the mystery power, and Jeff says he didn’t use it because he knew Ronnie was leaving.

We then move on to Chima’s win in the HOH competition. Chima babbles a bit about how happy she is that herself, Jessie, and Natalie are safe, and the fact that Russell had to hand him the HOH key is “sweet revenge, baby”. Russell knows that he’s going to have to “kiss some major ass” this week, while Lydia knows that she’ll be nominated for the third time because her best friend is Natalie, “my arch nemesis”. Jeff warns in the diary room that she shouldn’t be too excited, since the coup d’etat means he has the upper hand this week.

Almost everybody is now in the kitchen, and Chima jokes about drawing names out of the hat for the nominations. The mystery power comes up again, and Jordan says that they’re just calling it the “wizard” power. Natalie, the expert of everything, informs the house exactly what the mystery power entails. Jeff says he’s going to “use it wisely”.

Michelle and Lydia are now talking in the bedroom, and Lydia thinks the nominees will be the two of them. In another bedroom, Chima is telling Natalie that the only safe people are her and Jessie. Natalie is hinting at who she wants put up, but Chima doesn’t believe Jeff and Jordan are after her. Natalie also points out how strong Russell is, but he wouldn’t put up her or Chima the following week if he wins HOH.

And now the Princess gets her HOH key, and the usual babbling about the pictures occurs. We’ll just skip this segment, as we always do. Everybody finally leaves, and Michelle says she hopes that people other than herself are the targets. Her and Chima have a conversation that really leads to nowhere except that Chima wants a “girl’s alliance”.

After a commercial break, Chima and Russell are chatting in the HOH. Russell says he’s trying to mend fences, and apologizes for what happened earlier in the week. He attempts to say that he would never put her up due to “personal issues”, but Chima says she has a hard time trusting him. Uh oh, this conversation gets heated when Michelle’s name comes up. They hug, but Chima says again in the diary room that she doesn’t trust him, but keeping him may be in her best interest.

It’s now filler time, as Jordan and Jeff watch a spider. Jordan wants to know how spiders make webs, and Jeff thinks they come of their “wrist, like Spiderman”. Um, ok. She also wants to know how they mate, “like horses do it from behind”. Oh boy.

We move on to Chima chatting with Jessie, Jeff, Michelle, Natalie, and Kevin about being raped by a serial killer. She says the aftermath of that attack proved to herself about how strong she is. Everybody is obviously blown away by her story. Kevin says she has a whole new “respect” for her because she can still act cheerful and happy despite her ordeal. Jeff pretty much says the same thing.

Now we move on to Jeff and Jordan in one of the bedrooms, and Jordan thinks the two of them are going up. Jeff doesn’t believe it, and asks why Russell wouldn’t be the one put up. Jordan gets into bed with Jeff, and tells him she thinks Michelle has the mystery power. Jeff assures her that Lydia and Russell are going up, with Michelle the replacement. He says in the diary room that it’s hard to not tell her he has the mystery power. “We’re going to be fine.”

It’s now time to sell a bad movie. Everybody is lounging around the house when the doorbell rings. They all sprint to find Jeremy Piven! He brings them all into the living room, and Jeff is more than excited that one of his “top eight” is in the house. Chima’s also excited about his “great energy”. Piven asks the house who they think will be the first one to “lose it”, and then immediately points to Lydia (to great laughter). “God bless you, because I’ve been here for all of eleven minutes, and I’m about to have an emotional breakdown.”

He also asks if there’s been any hooking up, and Jordan’s eyes dart right to Jeff. What about Lydia and Jessie? Lydia says she laid on top of Kevin, so Piven asks if “Big Brother made you straight?” Piven then says that there will be a luxury competition, and the winner will see his new movie, The Goods.

The trailer is then shown, and of course they’re all excited by it. Piven adds that one winner will also get a big cash prize. “They seemed like a bunch of really nice kids”, Piven adds in the diary room. “I don’t think I could last very long at all. I think I would go completely insane.”

We’re led to believe that everybody immediately went outside for the competition (actually, it was held hours later), and Jessie asks how they’re going to meet up with him “on the other side”. Oh, Jessie.

The backyard is set up like a used car lot, and Chima describes it like an episode of Sanford and Son. They have to split up into two teams, but Jeff is bummed that Jordan’s not on his team. To win the game, they have to fill their car with as much junk as possible, and also file into the front seat. All of the “goods” have price tags which are then used to compile the point totals. Chima doesn’t play, but by choosing a team she gets to share in their rewards. Obviously, she picks Jessie’s team because, as Natalie claims, “we’re winners”.

The game begins, and again there’s no reason for a play by play. Ok, Jordan is precious when she describes that a seventeen-point bear is better than something that’s only ten or eleven points. Really? They all finally squeeze into their cars as time expires, and Jeff’s team ends up with 399 points. Jordan’s team, though, beats them with 410 points. Jeff, Kevin, Lydia, and Michelle are on slop, while the rest get to see Piven’s movie. Jordan’s teddy bear is the deciding factor!

For the big payday, the five winners have to grab envelopes with “commission” checks, and the highest check wins. Russell’s check is for ten grand, so he’s the winner!

After another commercial break, we see Jessie half-sleeping in the bathroom couch. Lydia crawls on top of him, and he complains he can’t breathe. She jumps off him, and storms off. Lydia says in the diary room that even though he voted to evict her, she’s going to still be his friend. As Lydia picks her feet next to Jessie, Natalie swoops in to grab him to go sleep in the HOH. Yeah, Lydia’s not happy.

Jessie and Natalie are now in the HOH, and when Jessie comes in Natalie immediately starts questioning him about what Lydia told him. Natalie wants a hug, and when he does she tells him to “go hug Lydia next”. She also goes off on how Lydia is after her, and he should remember that whenever he talks to her. He says that she needs to let him do what he needs to do (oh boy), and after they survive the week he’ll stop talking to her forever. It’s so hard to be Jessie.

Jessie heads downstairs, and for some reason we get harp music as we see footage of both Jessie and Natalie lying around apart from each other. As Natalie falls asleep, Jessie returns to apologize. “You guys are all I have.” Natalie picks up exactly where they left off before, and Chima chimes in how they don’t trust Lydia.

It’s now nomination time, and you know the drill here. Everybody talks about how worried they are as we watch Chima look at the picture wall and insert keys into the nomination box. Chima says her nominations are based on “personal and strategic reasons”, keeping in mind the people who have betrayed her.

She calls everybody in for the ceremony, and the first key drawn is Natalie (big surprise), followed by Jessie, Kevin, Michelle, Jordan, and Jeff. The nominees are Russell and Lydia! Chima says it should be no surprise that Russell is on the block because she doesn’t trust him. Lydia is told that she’s up because she doesn’t want her to vote for him. (What?)

Lydia jokes that “mama bear Chima is protecting her little baby bear Natalie, and they’re coming after the lone wolf Lydia. Very predictable.” Russell says he has “so much built up anger inside right now that I want to unleash on a couple of people. But I’m not going to do that…I’m going to kiss some ass and try to win people over with kindness.” Good luck with that.

Jessie adds that he’s worried about the “mystical wand power” (what?)..’wizard man”…”mystical being”…”the unicorn that’s going to come out of nowhere and say you’re gone. Go home.” Jeff adds that he has the ultimate decision on who goes home this week.

And that’s it for tonight’s episode. See you Tuesday!


Anonymous said...

My favorite part:

"I try to handle everything with class [POOP]."