AKA: The Ballad of Chima Simone
Before we begin with tonight’s recap, I must apologize for not having a report on Sunday’s episode. I spent the weekend with a lovely young woman in Colorado, and really didn’t feel up to doing anything but sleep when I returned home late Sunday evening.
From what I’ve been told, though, Sunday’s episode was a bore, particularly since the happenings in the house over the weekend completely trumped what they showed from Thursday and Friday. Our little Chima certainly outdone herself, and I find it hilarious that all of this came about because her simpleton buddy Jessie was evicted.
One last thing before we head to the recap. At times, I sort of liked Chima. Really, I did. She’s a pretty smart woman whose clearly gone through a lot in her life. Yet any sympathy I had for her has completely dissipated since I read these tweets:
“Keep talking bitches! You’re making me famous.”
“Facitious (sic), Simulated, Concocted, Fabricated, Manufactured, Deceptive, Delusive, Misleading, Unathenticated, Pseudo, Sham, Bogus, Unreal”
“I find it hilarious that most of my detractors are ugly or fat. Sometimes a combination of the two. High school all over again. LOL!”
Classy, my dear…if it is you.
So we start, as always, with the reactions to Michelle’s nominations of Chima and Natalie. Michelle says that even though she likes Chima, she has to “keep my mind straight and remember I’m in the Big Brother house to win a half million dollars. I don’t think my friendship with Chima is worth $500,000.”
Russell thanks Michelle, and hugs her as the girls walk into one of the bedrooms. Lydia is livid. “What the fuck?” Natalie points out that Michelle did what “they” want her to do. “I’ve done nothing but be kind to her”, claims Chima, and Lydia verifies this by saying that she stood up for her. “I know. I know. She totally fucked me on that.”
Russell and Jordan are up in the HOH with Michelle, Jeff, and Russell. They know that Chima is going to cause chaos because of her nomination (but obviously have no idea just how much she’ll create). Russell tells her not to worry, because they all know who each others friends are. Jordan adds in the diary room that “one of them needs to go, preferably Chima. They’re the biggest group of whiners I’ve ever met. They complain constantly. I think they’re rude. The list just goes on.”
Jeff turns on the spy cam, and Jordan notes that this is what they do after they nominated somebody from their group. “This is the exact scenario“, says Jeff, “except we didn’t run off and pout.” Jordan adds that Chima is one of the strongest people in the house, and Jeff adds that “she’s one of the hugest bitches I’ve ever met in my whole life. She’s a nightmare.”
Chima is now seen in the red room, telling the rest of her team that she wants to go home. Kevin, as usual, tries to be the voice of reason. “Don’t quit. Don’t ever quit. If you leave, you’d be screwing me. You’d be screwing us who are left, because then your vote would be gone from the jury house.” More Michelle bashing ensues, and Chima claims she’s always kept her word. “It’s a complete stab in the back.” Kevin says she just needs to win POV, and Chima adds that she’s not going to let Michelle boot her out of the house.
A few people are now sitting in the kitchen when Big Brother announces the inside lockdown is over. Kevin looks outside, and there’s a “practice version” of the POV competition. Lydia sarcastically says “sweet”, and Natalie repeats what Kevin just said. (BTW, it’s a one-hole miniature golf setup.) Natalie tells Kevin that he needs to go wake up Chima, “because we’re the ones who need to practice”. Kevin says he’s happy to try to motivate her because she needs to win, but Chima is buried under her blanket. She wanders out, and BB immediately implores her to put on her microphone. She says she doesn’t “give a fuck”, and Natalie tells Lydia to go get it. Chima tells her not to bother.
The rest of the house is still sitting in the kitchen, and in the diary room Jordan complains that Chima “is a diva. She’s been braking rules since day one, and she acts like the rules don’t apply to her.” We then see a montage of her ignoring BB instructions and promising chaos if Jeff uses the mystery power. “They tell me to get up, I’m laying down. They tell me to go to the diary room; it’s going to take a long time.” At one point, the covers the bedroom camera with a blanket.
But back to the backyard incident. Chima is now practicing the golf game, and Kevin describes the rule about wearing microphones as we see him wandering into the bedroom to get Chima’s mic. Natalie grabs it from Kevin, and she hands it to Chima, who lobs it into the sauna before continuing her practice.
Lydia says in the diary room that she ‘was mortified”, as Natalie attempts to dig it out of the sauna. Natalie says to say it “fell out of her hand”, and reminds Chima that she could be forced to pay for it. “Yeah, whatever.”
Everybody has now gradually come out into the backyard, as Lydia and Chima are sitting on the washer and dryer (to prevent others from using it, as per their genius plan). Again, BB instructs Chima to come in to exchange her microphone. “I’m not going anywhere.” Kevin again goes off to help Chima, who tells him to “stop”. Natalie warns her that she’s going to hit her with the mallet if she doesn’t stop.
In the dairy room, Jeff says that “all” the people in the house were telling her to “please” put on her microphone. Kevin has brought it out for her, and after BB instructs her to put it on, she says “fuck off. You guys can suck cock.” Lydia jokes that she’ll now be Natalie’s best friend if Chima leaves. Again, Chima takes off her microphone and lays it down on the dryer.
We move on to later in the night, and the girls (and Kevin) are in the bedroom. Chima says the she “feels defeated”, and Natalie advises her to not let the other side get to her. Lydia points out that there is an exit door, and Chima yells at the BB announcement for her to go to the diary room. She adds that her whole HOH week was a joke against her, and promises to “create all kinds of havoc”. She again says she’s not going to the diary room, and that they have to come to her. Producer Allison Grodner now comes on, and tells her that she has to come to the diary room. Natalie continues to try to inspire her, but Chima clearly isn’t listening.
Chima heads into the diary room, and is greeted by a staffer…and we go to commercials.
When we return, everybody is seen waiting for Chima’s return, and Kevin says he feels that Chima won’t be returning and that she’ll have to pay for that mic. Lydia repeats the lie about dropping the mic, and Kevin points out that “they’re (BB) not stupid. They have 10,000 cameras.” Again, Grodner’s voice comes on the loudspeaker, telling everybody to gather in the living room.
Grodner announces that because Chima obviously didn’t want to follow the rules, and destroyed a piece of production equipment she has been expelled. Kevin cries out, “this is stupid”, and Lydia asks if they should pack her stuff. Continuing to repeat that it’s stupid, Kevin breaks down crying.
Meanwhile, Jeff is outside calling her a “nuisance and a menace…we’re playing a game, man”. Jordan adds that she “lost all respect for all of them”, and Michelle wants everybody to treat each other with respect.
The other side is packing, and Natalie starts in on how it’s all Michelle’s fault. Lydia, of all people, tells her that “now is not the time”, and that Chima needs help. Natalie continues, whining about how they “took her HOH power away”. Again, Lydia is actually making sense, and that they need to focus on getting the people that screwed the three of them.
After commercials, Michelle gathers everybody into the living room to announce that since Chima left her duties as HOH are over. A new HOH competition is about to begin, and Kevin, Natalie, and Lydia feel they have new life.
They head outside, and the competition is indeed involving the mini-golf from the previous night. Jeff says that it “just looks like a fun day”. Natalie says that this is the most important HOH of the game, and also claims that she “has been running this house”. Oh really? Others basically repeat the same story about the importance of this game.
Lydia goes first, and after complaining about how “sick” she is at being on the block, her ball lands in the “6” spot. Jordan is up next, and has to beat Lydia’s score to stay in the game. She gets a “3” to stay in the game, and Natalie scores a “2”. (Like golf, the lowest score wins.) Russell gets a hole in one, as does Jeff. To stay in the game, Kevin has to score higher than Lydia’s “6”, and indeed gets a hole in one.
Lydia is out, and the prize she chooses is the HOH. Unfortunately, she won’t get to keep it very long. She’s happy to learn there’s champagne, though.
Jordan starts off the next round with a hole in one, and Natalie gets a “7”. Russell again gets a hole in one, as does Jeff and Kevin. Natalie is now out, and her prize is a Hawaiian vacation. She decides to keep it, since the HOH key will be taken anyway. Kevin is not happy that it’s now up to him to win.
Jeff starts off round three with a hole in one, and Jordan scores a “2”. Russell bounces out of the hole in one hole, and is out with a score of “7”. His prize is the phone call from home, but trades it with Natalie’s Hawaiian vacation. Natalie starts crying because it’s the “best thing that could happen to me”. She thanks Russell, who say she did it for his parents and not her. Russell believes her crying was fake.
Jeff gets another hole in one in round four, but Kevin’s ball lands in the “5”. Jordan gets a four, so Kevin is now out. She tells Kevin that he’s safe when they hug. Kevin’s prize is $5,000, and he says he’s going to keep it. Lydia complains that “evil prevails”.
Jordan goes first in the last round, and scores a “4”. Lydia bitches from the sidelines that “they’re going ot string you along, and cut you at the end”, which sets Jeff off. Before his attempt, Jeff asks Jordan if she wants HOH, and she says she does. He purposely hits it off the playing field, which Russell says is a “classy move”. Jeff’s prize is a spa experience, which he trades with Russell for the Hawaiian vacation. Jordan’s prize is a Captain Unitard costume, which she trades with Lydia for the HOH key. “Be a puppet, Jordan”, complains Lydia. “The dumb ho will be cut at the end.” Again, Jeff goes off on her, which ends with Lydia calling her a “ho puppet” before storming off. Again, she starts bitching about how they screwed over Jessie and Chima.
Lydia’s not done, though. It’s later in the day, and Michelle is talking with Jordan about Natalie’s attitude. Lydia overhears, and slams the door open. “Good job”, Michelle sarcastically says. “Wear your unitard, bitch.”
After laughing with Natalie, Lydia runs out into the kitchen and dumps Michelle’s leftover HOH beers and food. “Vote me out, seriously.” Jeff says that she’s staying, and he and Russell start laughing. This goes back and forth before Jeff asks her how she’s going to get them out when she’s the first one out of every competition. Oh no you didn’t!
Jeff asks what’s wrong with her, and she complains again about kicking out Jessie. Jeff says that it’s just a game, and they should enjoy their time. Lydia says she’s going to keep yelling all week, while Michelle stands there with a grin. “You guys are a waste of space”, Lydia bitches with just a bit of a slur. Somehow, Lydia thinks that going into the diary room with her will prove what a man he is. She heads into the diary room alone, and starts bawling about wanting to talk to Ronnie, Chima, or Jessie as Jeff continues to try to create a truce with the rest of the house. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work, and he ends up as heated as the rest.
As we’re rushing to the end, Jordan finally gets to see her HOH room. Natalie and Kevin heads up, but there’s no sign of Lydia. As with most of these gatherings, Jordan starts crying as she reads her letter from home, especially when she finds out that after two years she finally gets her own room. They all laugh when Jordan reads a line about not using any more dirty words. We also rush through Lydia’s Captain Unitard outfit, and Lydia does seem to be a bit more cheery.
Now, it’s finally time for the nominations. At least we run through this quickly, and don’t have to deal with all of the babbling about how everybody doesn’t want to be nominated. The first key belongs to Michelle, followed by Jeff, Kevin, and Russell. As anybody could expect, Natalie and Lydia are nominated.
Jordan says that she nominated Lydia because the other day she said she wanted to leave. “I’m giving you the opportunity.” Natalie was nominated because she’s a strong player “but no hard feelings. You still have the veto to play…” “And I plan on winning it”, Natalie responds.
Neither are surprised, but Lydia says she’s “not ready to just let them evict me”. Jordan says she wants to evict Natalie, who complains how she’s been nominated three times in the past three days.
So that’s it. Not quite as shocking as expected, but still one of the best Tuesday episodes ever.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
AKA: The Ballad of Chima Simone